


Certain Features

by littleberd



Category: Detentionaire (Cartoon)
Genre: Biffy likes, M/M, Poor Lee, and a bright ass yellow feather swimmingcap, changed orphices, newly formed limbs, pyramid exposure, side effects include, something weirder than usual happens to Lee
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-10
Updated: 2017-01-10
Packaged: 2018-09-16 14:53:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9276881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littleberd/pseuds/littleberd
Summary: When Lee Ping walks into Detention Biffy was expecting regular Lee Ping, spy and vent crawler extrordinar, ready to take on the world to prove his innocence... But his eyes are immediately drawn to the yellow feathered monstrosity sitting on the extremely red faced Lee Ping."Wha-Why-You- Don't tell me you came to school wearingTHATon your head." Biffy chokes out, gasping for breath. THAT had nearly killed him with hilarious surprise.Lee bit his lip and pulled the flock of canaries down, stretching the fabric holding IT together with superglue."Ju-just shut up, you're the pot calling the kettle black, I never said anything about your beanies." Lee stutters, something about Lee's eyes are strange but Biffy chalks it up to the piss poor lighting.





	

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My first contribution to this fandom, hope you like it!

"The early bird catches the worm Jailbird! And the vermin that ain't early STARVE!" Principal Barrage cackles away, shoving the prank king of A Nigma High School into the room.

When Lee Ping stumbles into Detention Biffy was expecting regular Lee Ping, spy and vent crawler extrordinar ready to take on the world to prove his innocence... But his eyes are immediately drawn to the yellow feathered monstrosity sitting on the extremely red faced Lee Ping. 

"Wha-Why-You- Don't tell me you came to school wearing _THAT_ on your head." Biffy chokes out, gasping for breath. THAT had nearly killed him with hilarious surprise.

Lee bit his lip and pulled the flock of canaries down, stretching the fabric holding **IT** together with superglue.

"Ju-just shut up, you're the pot calling the kettle black, I never said anything about your beanies." Lee stutters, something about Lee's eyes are strange but Biffy chalks it up to the piss poor lighting.

"Colorblind much? I'm not calling it black, that's eyeball burning yellow." Biffy cackles, "So what's the occasion? You wearing a bit of big bird to catch a certain chick's eye? Here's some advice, I don't think Tina likes Yellow _that_ much. But it's right up Swedish Meatball's ally alongside unicorns and rainbows."

"Oh, yeah, go ahead, rub it in. Not like I haven't been laughed at all day or anything. And Yellow is Tina's FAVORITE color according to her blog." Lee finishes lamely with the very mature blowing of a raspberry.

"Okay, so your plumage isn't puffed up and god awful neon yellow for showcasing your sad single status. So I'm gonna guess you wanted to clean the dust out from the vents? See how much filth you can clean your crawling grounds of?" Biffy presents, MRA. Rumple Kitty jumps onto his lap and begins kneading his legs with just enough claw to make him cringe but not enough to make him make a noise of pain.

"Nope, oh, so I guess you lied when you said you know everything." Lee quips, setting his backpack down and sliding into his seat.

"Well we both know Mrs. Rumple Kitty could do with more cat toys after her litter tore what we originally had to shreds. Didn't expect you to bring a literal feather duster." Biffy jeers, gently petting said cat, whom is comfortably curled in his lap at the moment.

"Har, har, har, wrong again. Man you are sucking at this. How have I survived this long with you again?" Lee banters back, tossing a paper wad at Buffy, hitting him straight between the eyes.

"Hah! It's because of me that you're not chewed gum under Principal metal foot's shoe. I've never seen you wear a hat in my life, so my _educated hypothesis_ is that you're hiding something underneath that kindergartner's arts and crafts project." Biffy shoots, nail hitting right on the head.

Lee stiffens, "heh... Heheh... Um, let's leave my hat alone for now okay?"

Biffy's grin turns razor sharp, more k-nine teeth than chompers, as a scheme forms in his head, he leers down at his small buddy, " How about we switch hats."

"WHA-WH-NO! DID YOU NOT JUST HEAR ME?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING BIFFY-?" Lee yells, his attempts at scrambling to get up sabotaged by the trail of yarn Biffy had conveniently left out. Biffy's grin turns predatory and mischievous, a shark playing with it's food. He deftly sets Mrs. Rumple Kitty on his latest knitted creation.

"Come on pal it can't be worse than that hat you're wearing. Even a bald spot couldn't top that thing." Biffy comforts, nonchalantly plucking said atrocity off of Ping's head.

He freezes when he makes eye contact. Lee's eyes are definitely not normal, lighting be damned. His pupils are slitted and taking up barely any real estate in his big irises, the flecks of green and gold appearing iridescent. And then there's the auburn cat ears perched on top of his head, one ear gives a twitch that's decidedly too real to be a fake. This gives Biffy a whole hell of a lot more questions than can be answered in one meesley detention period.

Lee's blush is supernova now, he mutters just loud enough to be heard, "They're not harmful, just side-effects of holding onto both keys for so long beside the pyramid. They'll be there for a week at most according to the pyramid translation."

Lee's face is turned away in an adorably shy way that Biffy hasn't seen the teenager show before, the sharp edges of his smile soften to a doting grin, he unceremoniously places his favorite blue beanie over the newest features on his small-ish friend.

"There, just don't lose it or I'll do more than pumble your face. Give it back to me tomorrow, I should have a beanie done by then. The less noticeable the better, capishe?" Biffy supplies, coughing into his fist when Lee finally looks at him.

Lee's eyes are immediately drawn to the worst case of bed head in history, two or three cowlicks litter Biffy's head. His fingers turn white restraining himself from sauntering over and licking the unruly locks into submission. _That's the side-effects talking. Ignore them! Stay focused!_ He can't stop the peals of laughter that tumble from his lips in a giddy waterfall though, "Wow, no wonder you wear your beanie all the time, that's some untameable mop you've got there."

It's Biffy's turn to blush and mutter now, " Whose the kettle calling the pot black now."

They converse normally after that, having both begrudgingly agreed that missions were off until certain features were gone, Ping having gotten the information in passing from the bad guys. He had been eaves dropping a little before they had gotten the full translation off of a piece of the pyramid, and stayed after the left, or, in most of the case, been chased off by blue Tatzelwurms. But if his appearance was spotted the gig would be up, revealing the keys bearer.

Once Principal Barrage dismisses them Biffy's big hand clamps down onto Lee's entire shoulder, he slips him a piece of paper, blushing brightly but not looking Ping in the eye, "Come to my house tomorrow so I can measure your new dimensions, having devil horns poke out would be kindov funny but laying low is what we're trying to do got it?"

Lee's knowing smirk doesn't leave his face, Biffy really was a big softy behind that Bully facade he had going on, " I'll come up with an excuse to buddy study tomorrow, partner project sound good? I could always get some help studying Old English."

Biffy grins brightly down at the Prankster King of A. Nigma High School, "Sure little buddy, I may be a seamster in the theater but I know my way around Shakespeare, just send me a text when you're coming over."

Lee makes it about ten yards before Biffy tosses his hat at him, "Hey loser! You forgot your mom's bathing cap!"

Ping catches it with a tired sigh, "Would you believe me if I told you it was a family heirloom from the 50's?"

Biffy's booming laughter echoed through the halls for a good few minutes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> X'D comments keep me going! Hope you enjoy!


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